I am a 25 year-old single woman with a successful career and I am financially well off. I am also taking classes for a graduate degree. I love my career and I am a bookworm.
People assume that I have it all, and that I should be tremendously happy. In reality, I drive about 100-150 miles per day, have little free time, and am frequently so exhausted I just fall into bed at night. I have some casual friends I do things with, but I have no close friends. I haven't dated in almost 3 years. I have always thought I am considered attractive.
How can I have it all yet have nothing? This isn't me, and I don't like my existence. It would be nice to just sit, talk, and laugh. When I do, it feels like I'm wasting time.
Feeling 40 Way Too Early
Dear Feeling 40 Way Too Early,
I have a friend who I haven’t seen for almost three years. Sometimes I go up to six weeks without speaking to her. She’s one of my closest friends! I’m secure in our relationship. If your focus is to finish your graduate degree then your one the right path. Finishing your education so you are self-reliant isn’t a bad thing. You can’t have all you want. You have to wait sometimes for things. Friends should always be an asset not a hindrance.
Best of luck!
Julia =)
Dear Boring & In Need of a Life,
Being successful ain’t everything it’s cracked up to be. Without true good friends and an actual social life, what’s the point? You need to ask yourself if you actually need all that you do have. Cause there’s a lot of people out there that could do with a bunch less stuff and a bunch more life. A nice home and car ain’t gonna matter at all if you don’t have loved ones to enjoy it with. I would first start putting that resume out there and seeing if you can’t find something a bit closer to home. You seem like a well put together gal, and I’m sure you live by keeping a well-maintained schedule. So now you have to start actually writing down some social events. "haven’t dated in 3 years." Girl, you got to get out there to get a date. Mr. Right just ain’t gonna knock on your front door. Go to social events, sports bars, parties, even just your local bakery. And don’t wait for guys to talk to you either. It’s 2010! You got to put yourself out there. You ain’t gonna be everyone’s type, so let rejection roll off your back. Cause for every guy who isn’t interested, there is a guy out there just dreaming he could have a woman like you. All you have to do is say hello with a smile. That will get a woman just about everything she wants.
Cheyeanne
Dear Julia & Cheyeanne,
I always give a lot to my relationships, my husband, family members, and friends. I am starting to resent this because I don’t get much back. I hardly ever get what I really want. What should I do?
Resentful
Dear Resentful,
I use to feel a lot like you, then I woke up. I realized I was doing this to myself and I stopped. You have to take care of yourself first! I know this sounds selfish *gasp* but such is life. How can you be the best at everything? You can only do your best and that includes YOU! You can be resentful but it won’t do you any good. You’re allowing this behavior and only you can stop it. Just follow Nancy Regan and "Just say NO"! I know it’s painful dear I’ve been there, but I’m much happier now!
Julia =)
Dear Doormat,
You hardly ever get what you really want because you (1) don’t take it or (2) don’t demand it. Ain’t nobody gonna give you nothing unless you show them they have to. Like the old saying says: You can pray for food all you like, but God ain’t gonna come along and slap you up side the head with a fritter. You got to do it for yourself. I do believe your biggest issue is that your vocabulary is short one very important word. No. Say it with me Doormat; NO! Now go forth and use it!
Cheyeanne
Dear Julia & Cheyeanne,
I am a friend of a man who is married who announced last week that his wife is expecting their first child. I have never met his wife. He has had at least one extramarital affair, with a 16-year-old girl, which is over now. He told me all about this affair as it happened and it made me very uncomfortable. Yesterday he told me he has solicited a woman over the Internet, and is paying her plane fare for a secret sexual rendezvous!
I got very angry and reminded him that he had a pregnant wife at home. "I seem to have lost my conscience," he admitted. I tried to convince him to cancel this new woman, but he is adamant. He kept making flimsy excuses: "I must live sometime. I'm making up for lost moments. My wife will never know."
I do not condone adultery and I think what he is doing is despicable, especially when his wife has a baby due. He said I am the only person who knows. Is there anything I can do? Would I be justified in writing an anonymous note to his wife telling her about her husband's infidelity? He once said that if his wife ever found out she'd probably kick him out of the house. I am beginning to believe he deserves it.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Bless your heart for trying to hurt your friend like no one else can! Let me tell a woman whose pregnant who probably already know she’s married to a liar and a cheat (trust me dear heart, women know). No, your anonymous note is horrible! If you’re going to ruin someone’s life they should know whom it’s coming from! Did you ever think he’s using you because he’s a coward who wants out of his marriage? You need to get yourself some big girl panties, and wise up! Your lack of real concern for your friend and her unborn child shocks me!
Julia =)
Dear In Need of New Friends,
You are just now beginning to believe he deserves it? You said this scumbag is a friend of yours but you didn’t say his wife is. Well, frankly my dear, you need new friends. If this is who you place your loyalty with, you have issues! Cut this friendship off and tell the wife. Don’t write a stupid anonymous letter to the girl. If this were you, you would want some woman to have the balls enough to tell you. So do it. Tell her. This will then end your friendship with Mr. Scumbag, but that in itself is a good thing. Then, pick your future friends with higher requirements. Start small with simple stuff like, "I can’t be friends with grown ups who sleep with 16 yr. olds!" Heck, after you talk with this pregnant wife, your next visit should be to this 16 yr old’s parents.
Cheyeanne
Dear Julia & Cheyeanne,
My best friend has been dating this guy for about three years. At the very beginning of their relationship, he and I spent an evening together. We almost ended up in bed but we both realized in time that it wasn't the right thing to do.
I never told my friend about this little moment, and now they are happy and in love. They are planning their wedding for this autumn. I feel that this past event is keeping me from being completely open with her. It was a long time ago and I don't even know if it would really matter to her now, but I can't stop thinking about it.
I don't want to ruin her relationship or our friendship. Should I tell her?
Torn
Dear Torn,
The answer is NO! The only time people confess is because they want to relieve their guilt. It’s not out of concern for the other person! Stop thinking about it or find a Preacher, Priest, or Bishop to speak too.
Julia =)
Dear Hussy,
Stop. Just stop everything you are doing. I wouldn’t even tell anyone about this, much less my friend. If she is really your friend, why would you want to hurt her? First, you almost ended up in bed with this guy at the beginning of their relationship. Well it was the beginning of the relationship for him, so I’m not sure how vested he was yet, but for you, you were already this girl’s friend. Shame on you! You have done enough already to hurt your friend without the need to just rub it in her face. You need to seriously ask yourself if the reason you want to tell her is because you are jealous. Cause that is how yer coming across. You said they are happy and in love. Let it be and forget about it. And from now on, stay away from your friends’ boyfriends or you might just get a beat down!
Cheyeanne
If you would like Julia and Cheyeanne to assist you in yer problems, please send them a note to julia.cheyeanne@gmail.com.
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