Saturday, October 16, 2010

Dear Julia and Cheyeanne:

Dear Julia and Cheyeanne,
Please, I need help.  I've loved this girl for 4 years but I never asked her out. I really like her, but I don't know how to tell her. She might know I like her, I’m not really sure but she might also like me back.  It would be really helpful if I got some advice.
Thanks. 
Helpless


Dear Helpless,
 The quickest way to lose someone is to never tell them how you feel.  Whether you are trying to date them, are married, or whatever; if you close off your feelings then they won't know. 
She's not a mind reader and remember the worst thing she can say is no. 
Julia <3

Dear Gutless,
You say you have loved her for 4 years.  It sounds to me like you have romanticized her for 4 years.  Now, even if she likes you back, you have to be prepared for her not being able to live up to what you have made her out to be.  Take things slow, let her know you like her, and go from there.  Just don’t let your mind go amuck. 
Cheyeanne


Dear Julia and Cheyeanne,
I am in a relationship with a girl, which has been going totally great. But recently, I noticed that she is eating less and less, saying that she wants to be thinner. I try to explain to her that she doesn't need to lose weight, and if she needed to, that wouldn't be the way to do it, but she says that she feels that she has to. How can I make her realize that anorexia is not the solution? 
Concerned
 

Dear Concerned,
 You’re not going to.  Eating disorders are about control and she needs a professional.  The best thing you can do is support her in her journey of healing.
 Julia <3

Dear Concerned,
You can’t fix her, but you can steer her in the right (or better) direction.  Pick healthier restaurants for dates, go on long walks together, play sports together.  All the while complimenting her on her shape, make sure she knows how attractive you find her.  If it still doesn’t let up, then tell her you would like to go with her to get her help.  Hold her hand through it, and learn what you can do not to enable her with her disease if it gets to that point.  Good luck!
Cheyeanne


Dear Julia and Cheyeanne, 
My friend and I are in a fight with another friend. She started big mean rumors about us and thinks that’s okay. She still wants to be friends. I don’t want to at all, because she told everyone that I am a fat loser, and I’m not okay with that. It’s got to the point where she is begging me to be her friend. I DON’T LIKE HER AT ALL. I don’t want to be mean but I don’t want to be her friend. Should I be her friend and forgive her or should I let her go?
unsure of letting go


Dear Unsure,
She's not your friend she's a user.  Why would you allow a toxic person in your life if you don't have to?  Sometimes letting go is hard but it usually is the best thing in the long run.  It will hurt but I promise if you don't dwell on her and worry about what she's saying then you will heal faster.  There is a difference in forgiving someone and letting someone in your life.
 Julia <3

Dear I’m really hoping this is a 13 yr old,
Remember to always believe people when they show you who they really are.  Cut ties with this person or learn to live with this behavior.  Then move on and grow up.  Oh, and the only time it should effect you that someone called you a fat loser is if you believe it.  Don’t let others tell you who you are.
Cheyeanne


Dear Julia and Cheyeanne,
I'm in a relationship with a guy I'd been friends with before for about 2 years. I'm the sort of person who abhors the idea of “moving in together” because I’m quite territorial and like to remain separate in all things. He’s discussed this with me before and I have flatly refused, but circumstances have caused that to change. I live with my sister in a house that she owns. She is moving out of the country and that would leave the full rent to me. Her mortgage is much more than I can afford by myself and I would need to find a roommate or she will have to sell her house and I'd be on the street or living in a dangerous neighborhood. The idea of a roommate is scary and my sister has suggested that my boyfriend move in and help take care of the rent. My ideal situation is that he would stay in a separate room and be my “roommate”. I know this is illogical and unfair to him though. So basically, the situation is: find a potentially unfavorable roommate (and all of the drama that comes with it), move out and into a dangerous neighborhood (because of financial reasons), or face a very unhappy time living with my boyfriend.
*sigh* what do I do?


Dear *sigh*,
 Put on your big girl panties and move in with the guy or dump him if you’re that unhappy.  Sometimes we all have to do things we don't want to so move to the dangerous neighborhood, get a roommate or "girl up" and dump him or grow up. 
 Julia <3

Dear Complainer,
Sometimes people create more issues and drama than are really there.  If you don’t want to move in with the guy, then don’t.  But be an adult and make sure you provide for yourself.  If you don’t want to move then get a roommate and deal with it.  If you don’t want a roommate, then get a second job.  Either way, grow up and make it happen.  I would NEVER tell a woman to move in with a man that she isn’t ready to live with.  That isn’t a far cry from flat out getting paid for it.  You are a woman.  Act like it and make it happen for yourself.
Cheyeanne


If you have any problems you would like Julia and Cheyeanne's advice on, please e-mail letters to julia.cheyeanne@gmail.com

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