Tis The Season

Dear Julia and Cheyeanne:

Dear Julia and Cheyeanne, Please, I need help.  I've loved this girl for 4 years but I never asked her out. I really like her, but I don't know how to tell her. She might know I like her, I’m not really sure but she might also like me back.  It would be really helpful if I got some advice. Thanks.  Helpless

Dear Helpless,

 The quickest way to lose someone is to never tell them how you feel.  Whether you are trying to date them, are married, or whatever; if you close off your feelings then they won't know. 
She's not a mind reader and remember the worst thing she can say is no. 

Julia <3

Dear Gutless,
You say you have loved her for 4 years.  It sounds to me like you have romanticized her for 4 years.  Now, even if she likes you back, you have to be prepared for her not being able to live up to what you have made her out to be.  Take things slow, let her know you like her, and go from there.  Just don’t let your mind go amuck. 

Cheyeanne

Dear Julia and Cheyeanne, I am in a relationship with a girl, which has been going totally great. But recently, I noticed that she is eating less and less, saying that she wants to be thinner. I try to explain to her that she doesn't need to lose weight, and if she needed to, that wouldn't be the way to do it, but she says that she feels that she has to. How can I make her realize that anorexia is not the solution?  Concerned

Dear Concerned,

 You’re not going to.  Eating disorders are about control and she needs a professional.  The best thing you can do is support her in her journey of healing.

 Julia <3

Dear Concerned,

You can’t fix her, but you can steer her in the right (or better) direction.  Pick healthier restaurants for dates, go on long walks together, play sports together.  All the while complimenting her on her shape, make sure she knows how attractive you find her.  If it still doesn’t let up, then tell her you would like to go with her to get her help.  Hold her hand through it, and learn what you can do not to enable her with her disease if it gets to that point.  Good luck!

Cheyeanne

Dear Julia and Cheyeanne, 

My friend and I are in a fight with another friend. She started big mean rumors about us and thinks that’s okay. She still wants to be friends. I don’t want to at all, because she told everyone that I am a fat loser, and I’m not okay with that. It’s got to the point where she is begging me to be her friend. I DON’T LIKE HER AT ALL. I don’t want to be mean but I don’t want to be her friend. Should I be her friend and forgive her or should I let her go? unsure of letting go

Dear Unsure,

She's not your friend she's a user.  Why would you allow a toxic person in your life if you don't have to?  Sometimes letting go is hard but it usually is the best thing in the long run.  It will hurt but I promise if you don't dwell on her and worry about what she's saying then you will heal faster.  There is a difference in forgiving someone and letting someone in your life.

 Julia <3

Dear I’m really hoping this is a 13 yr old,

Remember to always believe people when they show you who they really are.  Cut ties with this person or learn to live with this behavior.  Then move on and grow up.  Oh, and the only time it should effect you that someone called you a fat loser is if you believe it.  Don’t let others tell you who you are.

Cheyeanne

Dear Julia and Cheyeanne, I'm in a relationship with a guy I'd been friends with before for about 2 years. I'm the sort of person who abhors the idea of “moving in together” because I’m quite territorial and like to remain separate in all things. He’s discussed this with me before and I have flatly refused, but circumstances have caused that to change. I live with my sister in a house that she owns. She is moving out of the country and that would leave the full rent to me. Her mortgage is much more than I can afford by myself and I would need to find a roommate or she will have to sell her house and I'd be on the street or living in a dangerous neighborhood. The idea of a roommate is scary and my sister has suggested that my boyfriend move in and help take care of the rent. My ideal situation is that he would stay in a separate room and be my “roommate”. I know this is illogical and unfair to him though. So basically, the situation is: find a potentially unfavorable roommate (and all of the drama that comes with it), move out and into a dangerous neighborhood (because of financial reasons), or face a very unhappy time living with my boyfriend. *sigh* what do I do?

Dear *sigh*,

 Put on your big girl panties and move in with the guy or dump him if you’re that unhappy.  Sometimes we all have to do things we don't want to so move to the dangerous neighborhood, get a roommate or "girl up" and dump him or grow up. 

 Julia <3

Dear Complainer,

Sometimes people create more issues and drama than are really there.  If you don’t want to move in with the guy, then don’t.  But be an adult and make sure you provide for yourself.  If you don’t want to move then get a roommate and deal with it.  If you don’t want a roommate, then get a second job.  Either way, grow up and make it happen.  I would NEVER tell a woman to move in with a man that she isn’t ready to live with.  That isn’t a far cry from flat out getting paid for it.  You are a woman.  Act like it and make it happen for yourself.

Cheyeanne

If you have any problems you would like Julia and Cheyeanne's advice on, please e-mail letters to julia.cheyeanne@gmail.com

Random Dozen

1. Do you believe, somewhere deep inside, that blondes do indeed have more fun?

Julia: No, it's personality. If you’re confident with yourself then you will have more fun. If you believe that you look your best as a blonde then you will have more fun as a blonde. However, if you believe you look your best as a redhead then you will have more fun as a redheaded hottie!!


Cheyeanne: Being a quarter Cherokee, I have had black hair my whole life. It is so dark there isn’t much use in even trying to dye it. At the same time, I have more fun then anyone I know! And I must add that in my personal little experience, Gentlemen prefer dark hair.

2. Which animal would you most like to observe in the wild?

Julia: None. Animals smell! Just kidding, I'd love to see a giraffe they are so stinking cute. I've heard they are very soft to pet too. I've ridden on an elephant once but it was at the circus. *gasp* They are in fact hairy and do indeed smell!!

Cheyeanne: No need. I get all the wildlife I can stand watching Julia’s kids. Bwaaahahahaaha!

3. This week the UN announced that Dr. Mazlan Othman has been appointed the official Alien Ambassador, should any extraterrestrials contact us. Have you or anyone you know, ever seen a UFO?

Julia: Oh geez, trust me if we had aliens here or if they arrive here they would either eat us or teach us. No, I haven't seen a UFO. I have however watched V does that count?

Cheyeanne: I had a really odd experience at a bonfire party out in a cow pasture when I was in high school after eating a mushroom someone gave me. I saw all kinds of things that night.

4. Name your favorite Hitchcock film.

Julia: I have two actually. I like Rebecca (1940) a lesser know Hitchcock film but yet one I loved and The Birds (1963). This movie had me looking at the birds for quite sometime after watching it.

Cheyeanne: Nothin’ could have topped Psycho. I actually think I’ve dated Norman Bates wannabe’s. Can’t deal with no mama’s boys!

5. Would you rather spend time at the library, the mall, a craft store, or home?

Julia: None of the above. Give me a day at the outlets? Can you say Coach and Aldo outlets? Smithfield anyone?

Cheyeanne: Home. I spend so much time at work, volunteer work, school, ball games, meetings, appointments, social events, chauffeuring the kids to and from. Just give me a nice quiet evening at home a few times a year and I’m happy.

6. Which Disney princess is your favorite?

Julia. None, they don't have a Julia princess yet! But I guess Belle is the closest to a Southern Belle princess so I'll go with her.

Cheyeanne: This is an easy one. Mulan. She is the ONLY Disney princess I would want my daughter to take lessons from. Make your own legacy. No Prince Charming needed.

7. What kind of art do you like?

Julia: The kind that's on bad boys body's! That is sexy hot!

Cheyeanne: Julia and I both agree with this one. I have 7 tats myself, and for me a man has to come inked up as well!

8. What do you think of amateur You Tube videos?

Julia: Well Fred as annoying as he is has more money than a lot of us now, and some really crappy parents are in jail thanks to You Tube. So I'm for them!

Cheyeanne: I use You Tube if I want to see a clip of something I missed, but now with my DVR, that rarely happens. Other than that, I don’t see how people have the time to search for stupid videos. I think they need to get a life. And enough already with the talking or dancing babies. Your kid isn’t as cute as you think!

9. Where do you buy your jeans?

Julia: I don't wear jeans anymore. I've found that I like dresses all the time. I've heard however Seven jeans make your behind look awesome, so if I go about wearing jeans again then I'm heading to buy some of those!

Cheyeanne: Great jeans are an essential part of my wardrobe! I love Buckle jeans. They already feel broken in.

10. Tell me about your first automobile accident.

Julia: Well I hit a mailbox and was convinced that I was going to go to Federal Prison, because my Daddy always said that "Messing with the mail is a Federal Crime and shouldn't be taken lightly!" Anyhow, the homeowner came out as I was crying and begging them to not call the cops and propped it back up and said "I hit this a few weeks ago. I guess this is my sign from God to get it fixed finally." Wow, I'm sure he thought he need to get this psycho 16-year-old away from him quickly!

Cheyeanne: I was actually T-boned by my high school janitor as he was leaving The Moose Lodge drunk. I never saw him again at school, so I think it caused him to loose his job.

11. Have you ever been honest when you knew you would benefit more if you were dishonest?

Julia: Yes

Cheyeanne: Honesty is always the best way to go. You will benefit more in the end every time.

12. If you were appointed Ambassador to Aliens, what would you show and tell first about life on Earth? What would be the most difficult thing to explain?

Julia: Heck, I'd probably be too busy talking to them so they wouldn’t eat me before I could show them a darn thing!
Cheyeanne: I’d first bring them up here in the mountains and show them how beautiful Earth is from where I get to see it. Then I would spend way too much time explaining why so many people of religion spend so much time fighting and killing each other in the name of their God while preaching love and peace. I don’t know. Maybe the aliens can help explain it to me.

Autumn Has Arrived ~ Time To Buy SHOES!

Julia: Autumn finally arrived this week, and while Cheyeanne I'm sure will be out buying up every cowboy and biker boot she can get her pretty little hands on, I just wanted to remind all of my sister Belles out there that it is now time to put those summer shoes away.  While Cheyeanne concerns herself with the Boys of Fall, I will be out there looking for some wonderful Shoes of Fall!

Remember ladies, if your feet don't hurt by lunch time, then your shoes aren't cute enough!

Happy Shopping Girls!

Dear Julia and Cheyeanne,

Dear Julia & Cheyeanne,
I am a 25 year-old single woman with a successful career and I am financially well off. I am also taking classes for a graduate degree. I love my career and I am a bookworm.

People assume that I have it all, and that I should be tremendously happy. In reality, I drive about 100-150 miles per day, have little free time, and am frequently so exhausted I just fall into bed at night. I have some casual friends I do things with, but I have no close friends. I haven't dated in almost 3 years. I have always thought I am considered attractive.

How can I have it all yet have nothing? This isn't me, and I don't like my existence. It would be nice to just sit, talk, and laugh. When I do, it feels like I'm wasting time.
Feeling 40 Way Too Early　
Dear Feeling 40 Way Too Early,
I have a friend who I haven’t seen for almost three years. Sometimes I go up to six weeks without speaking to her. She’s one of my closest friends! I’m secure in our relationship. If your focus is to finish your graduate degree then your one the right path. Finishing your education so you are self-reliant isn’t a bad thing. You can’t have all you want. You have to wait sometimes for things. Friends should always be an asset not a hindrance.
Best of luck!
Julia =)
Dear Boring & In Need of a Life,
Being successful ain’t everything it’s cracked up to be. Without true good friends and an actual social life, what’s the point? You need to ask yourself if you actually need all that you do have. Cause there’s a lot of people out there that could do with a bunch less stuff and a bunch more life. A nice home and car ain’t gonna matter at all if you don’t have loved ones to enjoy it with. I would first start putting that resume out there and seeing if you can’t find something a bit closer to home. You seem like a well put together gal, and I’m sure you live by keeping a well-maintained schedule. So now you have to start actually writing down some social events. "haven’t dated in 3 years." Girl, you got to get out there to get a date. Mr. Right just ain’t gonna knock on your front door. Go to social events, sports bars, parties, even just your local bakery. And don’t wait for guys to talk to you either. It’s 2010! You got to put yourself out there. You ain’t gonna be everyone’s type, so let rejection roll off your back. Cause for every guy who isn’t interested, there is a guy out there just dreaming he could have a woman like you. All you have to do is say hello with a smile. That will get a woman just about everything she wants.
Cheyeanne

Dear Julia & Cheyeanne,
I always give a lot to my relationships, my husband, family members, and friends. I am starting to resent this because I don’t get much back. I hardly ever get what I really want. What should I do?
Resentful
Dear Resentful,
I use to feel a lot like you, then I woke up. I realized I was doing this to myself and I stopped. You have to take care of yourself first! I know this sounds selfish *gasp* but such is life. How can you be the best at everything? You can only do your best and that includes YOU! You can be resentful but it won’t do you any good. You’re allowing this behavior and only you can stop it. Just follow Nancy Regan and "Just say NO"! I know it’s painful dear I’ve been there, but I’m much happier now!
Julia =)

Dear Doormat,
You hardly ever get what you really want because you (1) don’t take it or (2) don’t demand it. Ain’t nobody gonna give you nothing unless you show them they have to. Like the old saying says: You can pray for food all you like, but God ain’t gonna come along and slap you up side the head with a fritter. You got to do it for yourself. I do believe your biggest issue is that your vocabulary is short one very important word. No. Say it with me Doormat; NO! Now go forth and use it!
Cheyeanne　

Dear Julia & Cheyeanne,
I am a friend of a man who is married who announced last week that his wife is expecting their first child. I have never met his wife. He has had at least one extramarital affair, with a 16-year-old girl, which is over now. He told me all about this affair as it happened and it made me very uncomfortable. Yesterday he told me he has solicited a woman over the Internet, and is paying her plane fare for a secret sexual rendezvous!
I got very angry and reminded him that he had a pregnant wife at home. "I seem to have lost my conscience," he admitted. I tried to convince him to cancel this new woman, but he is adamant. He kept making flimsy excuses: "I must live sometime. I'm making up for lost moments. My wife will never know."
I do not condone adultery and I think what he is doing is despicable, especially when his wife has a baby due. He said I am the only person who knows. Is there anything I can do? Would I be justified in writing an anonymous note to his wife telling her about her husband's infidelity? He once said that if his wife ever found out she'd probably kick him out of the house. I am beginning to believe he deserves it.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Bless your heart for trying to hurt your friend like no one else can! Let me tell a woman whose pregnant who probably already know she’s married to a liar and a cheat (trust me dear heart, women know). No, your anonymous note is horrible! If you’re going to ruin someone’s life they should know whom it’s coming from! Did you ever think he’s using you because he’s a coward who wants out of his marriage? You need to get yourself some big girl panties, and wise up! Your lack of real concern for your friend and her unborn child shocks me!
Julia =)

Dear In Need of New Friends,
You are just now beginning to believe he deserves it? You said this scumbag is a friend of yours but you didn’t say his wife is. Well, frankly my dear, you need new friends. If this is who you place your loyalty with, you have issues! Cut this friendship off and tell the wife. Don’t write a stupid anonymous letter to the girl. If this were you, you would want some woman to have the balls enough to tell you. So do it. Tell her. This will then end your friendship with Mr. Scumbag, but that in itself is a good thing. Then, pick your future friends with higher requirements. Start small with simple stuff like, "I can’t be friends with grown ups who sleep with 16 yr. olds!" Heck, after you talk with this pregnant wife, your next visit should be to this 16 yr old’s parents.
Cheyeanne　

Dear Julia & Cheyeanne,
My best friend has been dating this guy for about three years. At the very beginning of their relationship, he and I spent an evening together. We almost ended up in bed but we both realized in time that it wasn't the right thing to do.
I never told my friend about this little moment, and now they are happy and in love. They are planning their wedding for this autumn. I feel that this past event is keeping me from being completely open with her. It was a long time ago and I don't even know if it would really matter to her now, but I can't stop thinking about it.
I don't want to ruin her relationship or our friendship. Should I tell her?
Torn
Dear Torn,
The answer is NO! The only time people confess is because they want to relieve their guilt. It’s not out of concern for the other person! Stop thinking about it or find a Preacher, Priest, or Bishop to speak too.
Julia =)

Dear Hussy,
Stop. Just stop everything you are doing. I wouldn’t even tell anyone about this, much less my friend. If she is really your friend, why would you want to hurt her? First, you almost ended up in bed with this guy at the beginning of their relationship. Well it was the beginning of the relationship for him, so I’m not sure how vested he was yet, but for you, you were already this girl’s friend. Shame on you! You have done enough already to hurt your friend without the need to just rub it in her face. You need to seriously ask yourself if the reason you want to tell her is because you are jealous. Cause that is how yer coming across. You said they are happy and in love. Let it be and forget about it. And from now on, stay away from your friends’ boyfriends or you might just get a beat down!
Cheyeanne
　
If you would like Julia and Cheyeanne to assist you in yer problems, please send them a note to julia.cheyeanne@gmail.com.

Mama Tried

Cheyeanne: This is gunna to be my next clothing purchase. I can't wait. I can wear it in spring and summer or match it with jeans, boots, and a jacket for fall and winter. And best of all, I just know Julia will roll her eyes when she see it. haha

And I turned twenty-one in prison doing life without parole.

No-one could steer me right but Mama tried, Mama tried.

Mama tried to raise me better, but her pleading, I denied.

That leaves only me to blame 'cos Mama tried.

Gotta love ya some Merle!

A Day In The Country ~ Restaurant Review

Cheyeanne: We stopped off for lunch at the Cafe on the Veranda inside A Day in the Country in Hendersonville, NC.  I often get a to-go salad, but never really get to eat inside.  This place is just plum nice.  The food is great, and they have this really calm veranda where you can eat outside in the shade.  However, the people who work there are morons!

I had the Chef Salad with home made honey-poppy dressing.  This is always one of my favs and they serve it with a garnish of cantaloupe and a piece of broccoli cornbread.  I also had a cup of clam chowder and a water.  Julia and I decided to split a piece of Strawberry Cream Cake.  All in all, it was very yummy, except the strawberry cream cake.  It was soggy, so Julia finished my half.

Julia: This place is simply charming, but sadly the employees don't match the ambiance.  We must have stood in line 30 minutes to place our order.  Why they don't come to the tables to take orders is beyond me.  We were told it would be about 20 minutes for our food, but we were only told this after we had paid.  I just love how places like to wait until they have ran your card for payment before they tell you it will be a long wait, deal with it.  It actually took them around 35 minutes to bring our food and when they did the woman walked out on the veranda searching for our number that was clearly posted on our table then took our food back inside.  It took 2 different women to see that our table was marked with the #31 card they gave us before we got our food.  I ordered the Magnolia's Maddening Turkey sandwich and a cup of tomato basil soup.  The food was really good, but I'm still wondering why it takes them so long to serve the food when none of it requires cooking.  It is all deli styled food.  Anything that has to be cooked, like the soup, has been cooked for hours.  Does it really take 35 minutes to make a sandwich, a salad, and dip out two cups of soup?

Cheyeanne:  Once the morons finally brought out our food it was wrong.  Like I said, we got a piece of strawberry cream cake to split, but they brought us out a salad with nuts and strawberries on it.  The waitress took it back and said she would get the cake instead.  I questioned her about the bill as well and she said she would check.  (Salad was $7, cake only $4)  She told me that we were charged the correct amount.  I let it go.  I shouldn't have.  When I got home and pulled up their menu online and started adding up what we got, they over charged us and this waitress lied.  

Julia:  Long after we were finished eating we still didn't have our cake yet.  Then the waitress walked over and asked us "How did you enjoy everything?  That strawberry cake is really good, isn't it?"  We then had to inform her that she had failed to ever bring it to the table, so we didn't know how good it was yet.  We also asked for some water, since we hadn't received any refills since we first sat down 35 minutes before they even brought out our food.  She left, brought out the cake, and yet still never bothered to fill our glasses with more water.  I ended up walking over to the unattended waitress station and helping myself to refills for us both.  The food itself however is wonderful.  Needless to say, if we order from there again it will be a call in order where we swing by and pick it up.  A place this nice and fancy with prices in the range that they are really needs to have a wait staff instead of the whole 'wait in line to order, then wait for your food, then never see anyone for anything again' set up they have going. 

And if you get a persons order wrong, fix their bill.  That is just dirty manners and a bad way of doing business that will result in loss of business and bad word of mouth.